Month / July 2019

by Jana Rawling

Landing on My Knees

ruben-hutabarat-ZA1Wvos1WYM-unsplash
Photo by Ruben Hutabarat on Unsplash

I fell again today and as I was getting up, I ended up on my knees. I figured that since I was there, I could pray. First, I asked for forgiveness for not getting on my knees in the first place.

Later, friends came over and I was blessed to give one my starter violin. Within an hour, through chatting with my new aunt (New, because she found me last year looking for her adopted brother, who as it turns out is my long-lost father.) she is giving me her violin that she no longer uses.

How’s that for reaping what we sow?

Now, I am encouraged to sow healing. Meaning, I can take better care of myself, love myself more, engage in what’s good for me, and be grateful along the way.

In all humility,

Jana

P.S.: Think good thoughts.

by Jana Rawling

Falling

Learning to Read Music
Getting Rosin Everywhere

Music Lifts Me Up

I fall down a lot. A few times a week. I get light-headed and my muscles disappear from under me. I hit my head hard last week and ended up in the ER again. A few days later, I lost sight in both eyes for a couple of minutes (usually it’s just one eye). I was alone so I just laid there awhile. It was scary.

I don’t want to be sick anymore. I’m tired of falling and feeling wobbly. It sucks to lose sight in my eyes even though it’s temporary. Today I fell and I couldn’t get up, again. My muscles wouldn’t recover quickly enough, so I got to see how badly my hallway baseboards need to be cleaned.

CRPS is no joke, especially in the Summer. Add POTS to it and, well it sucks even more. Tests show my heart is fine, which is good news. I have a Tilt-Table test soon and an inpatient EEG to look further into the falling. In the meantime, I wait.

I wait. I write. I practice my violin and I pray.

May health be with you,

Jana

P.S.: And may you have low pain days.