How do I pick myself up again?

I’ve done it so many times. I’ve pushed through the barriers in my life one-after-another since I was very young. That’s why my body has broken down with CRPS, POTS and PNES. I’ve pushed through pain and suffering, but I feel like I’m stuck now. I feel like it’s time to push again. I don’t even know what that means to be honest. I’m just emotionally spent. Being ill is not fun.

I used to be able to pick myself up when I fall. Any time something bad happened to me, I looked it in the face and walked right through it. I had no choice. I’ve been raising my children. My older kids want to see me go back to work part-time. Part of me wants to scream out, “You don’t know what I go through every day.” The other part of me needs income.

So, I’ll pray. I’m just so afraid of the pain, of not being a dependable employee, of falling down on the job—literally. I’m not the person I used to be, but I’m not going to let these diseases steal my life either.

Sincerely from the floor,

Jana

P.S.: Any suggestions?