“My” Illnesses & Disorders
I have a problem. I have too many labels and want to bring them out into the open. Well, I’m saying them in order to conquer them, if that makes sense. I’m not doing this for pity’s sake. I’m processing the place I’m at in my life right now.
Many people think that labels cause more harm than good. I find them helpful to better understand what it is that I’m fighting to cure. Especially, with the “incurable” illnesses or disorders. I’ll be happy to let go of every label when symptoms cease to persist.
So, I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures (PNES) and Fibromyalgia all over the past six years. I can no longer work or do much of anything but sit at my computer for a bit, lie down, and occasionally get out of the house.
It’s a seriously stressful drag. To add fuel to the fire (CRPS joke), I find out soon if I have Type 2 Diabetes with complications, and a few days ago I found out I have Hypertension, Liver Disease and Stage 2 Kidney Disease.
And adding to those the recently confirmed Clinical Depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and I’m a mess.
That’s 11 labels of illnesses and disorders. Really!?
Labels are difficult for me. I don’t want to “own” any of these things. I also don’t want the stigma in my life. I don’t want to speak these curses into my life. I don’t want to give them any more power, yet I contend with symptoms daily.
This battle is logically resolved by believing what the Bible says about healing as a child of God.
Easier Said Than Done
As I have been traveling down this narrowing road, I seem to have lost some of my faith and belief. I believe that others can be healed whole-heartedly, but when it comes to myself, I’m struggling.
I must move the faith and belief it takes to be healed from my head and into my heart—into the here-and-now. What this really means is that I have an opportunity to go deeper with God. So, I’ll continue to pray, I’ll listen to some worship music, I’ll listen to some solid pastors, and I’ll spend time with God. And one day soon, I’ll be free.
If you are struggling with illnesses and disorders and can relate, let me know. There’s no way I’m alone in this.
All messed up,
P.S.: Transparency takes vulnerability and courage. So, I’ve just jump off a cliff here and we’ll see where I land.