Category / POTS

by Jana Rawling

I Miss My Horse Gallery & Podcast

Me & John with Remi a Few Years Ago

Remington, Remi for Short

So, I was calm, cool and collected for my disability hearing a couple weeks ago (Okay, maybe not.) and one of the judge’s first questions was about my horse. I lost it. I started tearing up immediately. It was so hard to talk about.

I miss him so much.

He was abandoned at the ranch where I had horses before, and the owner let us take him over. My husband is so great. He works there for the board and feed on the weekends, so he gets to see Remi and ride him. And he keeps up on the stable drama for me (Not that drama is stable….).

I miss the smell of the ranch and Remi’s neck. I miss the dirty boots and long, sweaty rides in the foothills with some good friends. Heck, I don’t even mind the flies much this time of year.

I think I’ll have my husband take me to see him soon. I can’t wait.

One day at a time,

Jana

P.S.: I’ll take some pictures!

P.S.S.: Listen to how I’m doing without my horse in my life daily:

Episode 7: I Miss My Horse

 

Not being able to ride or see my horse in way too long has really affected me emotionally. Riding was my favorite outlet for stress and without it, I’m struggling. My horse’s name is Remington and he is amazing. He is the best of all my past horses rolled into one. I hope to be able to see him again soon.

by Jana Rawling

I Got a Violin

It was an Unction

I played Violin in elementary school but don’t remember much more than my teacher repeatedly telling me to adjust my grip on the bow. Over the years I’d think I wanted to try to play again but I would dismiss the thought as a fanciful dream. Recently, the urge has grown.

I figured that if I could get an inexpensive one to see if I really want to play or not, I could invest in the dream in the future or let it go.

So, with some relearning and preparation, I am ready to begin. The Type A part of my personality has already risen to say I need to start with scales, and I will, but God in me tells me to just play. Play like I sing in the Spirit not knowing what words or melody will come next. Just play.

Of course, CRaPS and POTS have also risen-up to get in the way. The pain and swelling have been terrible lately. I started Physical Therapy for the bulging disc in my back and OMGoodness!

The pain….

I am tenacious enough to do it anyway. I will sit and learn. I will sit and play. And I will tell the pain to be cursed and take a hike.

Is there a dream you have put aside? I pray that you get to go for it!

One day at a time,

Jana

P.S.: Shoot me an email at CRPSInsideOut@gmail.com, I’d love to hear from you.

by Jana Rawling

My Podcasts are Here

CRPSPain_PodcastIcon-100

Available on CastBox & this Blog. Soon, you’ll find me on iTunes, Stichter, Google Play, etc.

I’m so excited to say that you can now listen to my CRPS Inside Out Podcasts here. I’ll be uploading them either on their own or with corresponding Blog Posts.

Here are links to the Episodes I have so far:

E1 Errands & Expectations

Sometimes the things we take for granted are things we miss the most where CRPS is involved. In this episode, I talk about an embarrassing fall and how much I loved running errands. There’s always hope when dealing with challenging situations—it’s just a matter of finding it.

 

E2 Bad News & Creativity

Everyone gets bad news, but the good news is that everyone is creative. We are all capable of using creativity to pull ourselves out of bad moods from bad news. CRPS can either destroy us or make us the strongest people in the world. I choose strength.

 

E3 Raw Emotions & Handling it All

A lot is happening all at once and my emotions are pretty raw. The beauty is that my emotions don’t define who I am. They are merely a tool to use in life. They are a measurement. They are a bridge to action and reaction that is healthy and godly. And they are going to help me deal with my life tomorrow.

 

E4 A New Beginning

Dreaming again is what I’m looking forward to the most in this new season of my life. I want to get back to a place where living one day at a time still has hope for the future. I use creativity and my sanctified imagination to co-create with Jesus and you can too.

 

E5 Creativity & Pain

The Creative Spirit flows like an impregnated wind of love and passion. We have access to this Spirit from God. No matter what creative outlet, no matter what perspective you are coming from, you have access to the Creative Spirit. That is if you are human.

 

E6 Housebound

I never knew there was such a thing as being housebound until I got iller in the past several years. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my family and my friends. I’ve learned that I need community. I need to engage with others on very personal levels which keeps me safe and sane.

 

Music

You are free to use  Rocks N Mud  music track (even for commercial purposes), but you must include the following in your video description (copy & paste):

Rocks N Mud by Leonell Cassio ft. Krista Marina | https://soundcloud.com/leonellcassio
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en_US

 

by Jana Rawling

Housebound with Podcast

 

Getting Out of the House

I didn’t know “housebound” was a thing before being ill. And let me just say, it sucks.

I’m no longer able to drive let alone go anywhere alone.

Did I mention it sucks?

Okay, enough negativity!

I’ve had to find ways of getting out of the house to be alone and enjoy some of the things I love. I just need some “me time” outside of my home occasionally. I used to go for a drive in my car or on my motorcycle, I’d go ride my horse, hit some balls at the driving range, hike or go for a walk.

I must remember that I had the opportunity to do all those things when I think about how I’ve lost them—for now. I got to feel the wind in my hair. I got to enjoy nature. I got to experience the smell of jasmine, french fries, and honey buns as I rode my bike going mach-ten down the freeway coming home from work. I got to gallop, lose my hat and win while racing my husband up the mountain trails.

Today, I get to ride my electric wheelchair around the neighborhood, go to local stores and just breathe. I love it. I love to get out of the house, be outside and experience the changing seasons. I love to say good morning to people and run into other wheelers to chat about the day. I’m appreciating the people in my community more than ever before. The truth is that I need them.

I need the connections I am making online and around town. And if you told me I would feel this way five years ago I would have laughed.

That’s Jesus in action.

One day at a time,

Jana

P.S: Shoot me an email at CRPSInsideOut@gmail.com, I’d love to hear from you.

P.S.S.: Listen to my Housebound Podcast:

CRPSPain_PodcastIcon-100

by Jana Rawling

Creativity & Pain

Creativity as a Distraction from Pain

And You Don’t Even Have to Be an Artist

The Creative Spirit flows like an impregnated wind of love and passion. We have access to this Spirit from God. No matter what creative outlet, no matter what perspective you are coming from, you have access to the Creative Spirit. That is if you are human.

One way to tap into this creativity is to scribble. Yep, I know it sounds strange, but scribbling unlocks the left brain so the right brain (the creative side) can work. When you scribble you will begin to get ideas and answers to questions. You will want to begin to brainstorm those ideas, so go for it. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you get.

I tap into the Creative Spirit every day as much as I can. When I am writing, sculpting, drawing or just playing the pain decreases. I literally use creativity as a source of pain management.

Jana

P.S.: Give creativity a try. You may like it.

“We are made to be creative. We are made in the image of God.” — Jana Rawling

by Jana Rawling

Tomorrow is a Big Day

God’s Word Always Comforts Me.

A Broken Finger & My SSA Hearing

My youngest son needs surgery on his broken finger tomorrow and my SSA Hearing is also tomorrow. Yep.

Add-on the head CT scan I need for my Neurologist, the Tilt Table test and the Echocardiogram for my Cardiologist, and the surgical procedure of facet joint injections from my Pain Management doctor and I’m a bit of a mess.

My son has been a trooper and I’ve been trying so hard to keep it together I’ve wanted to scream. So, let’s look at the bright side of things:

  • My son turned 16 the day before breaking his finger playing softball. He is scheduled to get his driver’s license in a couple of weeks—he’s a great driver. I’m so proud of how he’s handling everything.
  • It’s Mother’s Day this weekend and I’m spending time with my kids. I have been wanting to play violin, so we’re going to look online for a beginner version. I tried to pick it up as a child and wasn’t very good, but I want to try again. I’ll try just about anything to distract myself from the pain that’s healthy.
  • I trust God. I trust that He will use all my sufferings for good.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”

— Romans 8:28

I know it can be hard for people to understand this verse. For me, it became real as I’ve looked at things that have happened in life and was able to see how “bad” things led to better ones. I can use my illnesses as an example. I didn’t know how many people were suffering with illness and disability until I experienced it myself.

My whole perspective has changed. My compassion has grown. My calling and life’s purpose have become clear.

So, I’ll spend today in prayer and surgery pre-op, and I’ll leave my SSA Hearing in God’s hands right where it belongs.

Jana

P.S.: I feel much better now.

by Jana Rawling

Bad News & Creativity

The Creative Spirit

I love to get outside when I have to process bad news… or anything really. I just love to be outdoors. I miss going outside as much as I used to and today I am grateful for Spring.

I found out yesterday that I have arthritis in my lumbar spine in addition to a disc bulging into my spinal column. All where my DRG implant is located. That’s a Dorsal Root Ganglion Neurostimulator implant.

The implant has been amazing! I was going to get an SCS, but got a DRG instead and I am so happy about it, because my pain levels have gone down significantly. I highly recommend it for some relief.

Thing is, I have to make sure that I live one day at a time and this bad news will not get me down for long. Life is too precious to spend it without smiles and laughter.

So, I am going to watch a Comedy and rest my feet.

Jana

P.S.: Listen to my Podcast on Castbox at CRPS Inside Out for details about how I focus on creativity versus pain.

by Jana Rawling

Running Errands with CRPS

Today I feel AMAZING!

“Amazing” in CRPS language means my pain started today at a steady five out of 10. Now, a couple of hours later I’m pushing seven.

I used to love strolling around stores, hitting every aisle to see what’s new. I used to run errands after work or at lunch time—parking in the farthest spot I could find to get some walking in. I used to.

Running errands is just one of the things I took for granted and I miss.

Regardless, I had a great day. I found time to laugh until I cried (editing some podcasts with a friend). I found beauty in flowers, I ate well (Except for the soda which results in more pain.), and I chatted with a new friend.

Jana