If You Don’t Mind

My most recent drawing for a handmade book I want to make.

I’ll Share My Creativity

Something has been bothering me lately. How can I host and maintain four blogs with podcasts on three of them, and videocasts on one?

I’m an artist and author and have a lot happening in my life regarding my health. I have been diagnosed with five rare diseases or disorders, yep five. Not to mention what I call my lesser diseases, such as Type 2 Diabetes and Fibromyalgia which are a result of some of the other illnesses. The annoying five are:

  1. CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome)
  2. EDS-3 Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3)
  3. POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome)
  4. DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)
  5. PNES (Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures)

I have separate blogs for CRPS and DID. I also have a site I rarely post at which is janarawling.com for my art making (though I forget to post stuff). Add to that, I am a Believer in Christ Jesus and have a blog site for that at HardwiredForLife.com (I have a partner on this one), and well, you see where I’m going with this. I get very tired and can’t post to all of them consistently, and I don’t. I suffer from symptoms every day mainly including pain, seizures, overall fatigue and falling down (sometimes breaking bones). I’ve had to stop working as a commercial art professor, which I miss very much. But I can still write when I feel okay, and I can make some art, which brings me joy through the pain.

I was wondering if I should combine some of the blogs, but I’m pretty sure that someone with CRPS doesn’t care about my DID, DIDers don’t care about POTS, and so on. I’ve been asking the Lord about it and He told me that the common denominator for all of my sites is not only me, but also is my art making, my creativity.

God told me that DIDers, CRPSers, Believers, and Artists all enjoy creativity. So, if you don’t mind, I will post the same art making and writing to all of my sites. That way, I have some universal content. I will still keep everything separate, but some creativity will be the same.

Whew! I feel better now. I feel that sharing my creativity is something I can do that will bring me tons of joy. Plus, I’m working hard on my healing and joy is a precious remedy.

Thank you for participating in my journey from wherever you’ve come.

With Love,


P.S.: Can I pray for you? If so, contact me via email, or just say, “Yes” and I will be honored.

P.S.S.: I’m currently writing a book called, “Hardwired for Creativity: Art Supplies for the Mind” that should be finished sometime this year. I’ll let you know when that happens.

Filling Time

My distractions lately… Here are some recent sculptures drying. I’m still not sure how I will finish them after they are fired in the kiln. They will have crowns on their heads.

Finding Distractions

Distraction is a key component of my life with pain. It helps me with pain management, and it helps psychologically to keep me from focusing on the dis-ease of CRPS, POTS and PNES symptoms. I’m alone a lot of the time as well, so distraction becomes a pretty good friend.

One of the things I do is make art, and I love to sculpt the human figure. I just finished a couple of pieces that I plan to design and sculpt tiaras and crowns for. I plan to finish about five of them for an Expo early next year.

My conceptual framework for the pieces is that we are all precious treasures. We are a royal priesthood of princes, princesses, kings, and queens as children of God (Check out Revelations for more about our eternal future as Christians born again.)

Regardless of the religious aspect of the work, I want to show people that we are important as humans on earth. We each have a kingdom, or our sphere of influence, that we rule and reign for. We lead others, whether we are aware of it or not. People watch people and learn from them.

It’s time we “own” our position as royalty with love and care for others. It’s time to teach people how we want to be treated. And to live a more effectual life that fulfills our calling and purpose.

Okay, you got me preaching… I’ll stop and just say that it’s great to find a passion for something that also distracts me from the pain.

Have a low pain day,


P.S.: Fill your time doing something enjoyable. Do it for you.

No More Swelling


It’s my writing. And maybe my heart.

I’ve spent too much time sitting at my dining room table with my best friend — I mean my laptop. It’s what I know. It’s what I do. A chef cooks. I write and design.

So, I’ve been getting up more often not wanting another trip to the ER. I have been practicing my violin standing at my patio door with the sheet music taped to the glass. I’m thinking of investing in earplugs as I shift my weight from side-to-side to get off my CRaPS foot as much as I can.

All-in-all life is amazing. God is good. The flowers are so fragrant and beautiful in the front yard that I can’t help but grin. It’s curious how the pain dissipates when I focus on the wonders of God’s holy creations.

Like us. Humans. We are complete mysteries. We are fragile and indestructible. We are weak and we are strong. We are loved and cared for without understanding.

If anyone questions my love for Jesus… I can only say that I’d rather live a life of devotion and love instead of one full of drama, loneliness, and emptiness. God is my strong tower. He is my hope and dreams.

CRPS can’t get me in His arms. I can’t do anything in life without Him.

So, with or without Jesus create, make, laugh and love.

Lots of Love — One Day at a Time,


P.S.: I want to see your art, hear your songs and let you know you are loved. Email me at CRPSInsideOut@gmail.com.

Doing My Nails

It’s the Little Things in Life

I love to do my nails. I always did them on Sunday afternoons when I used to work. These days I’m not always able to do that, but I really enjoy it when I can. My polish collection has dwindled but I still have some fun colors.

I joyfully used bright colors with glitter accents whenever I could. I had my nails, my hair and my boots for beauty because I felt had to be plain at work. I chose to go business formal or casual in solid grays, blacks, and tans. I didn’t need the extra attention wearing florals and pretty pinks. That glass ceiling got lower when I dressed like a girl. Just saying.

I know that when I can enjoy the little things, I feel less pain.

It’s a distraction and as you may know by now, I am all for healthy distractions. Anything that can keep us off the opioid drugs and any other medications that have extreme side effects. We don’t want our organs shutting down—these are often the “complications” that CRPSers die from.

So, I encourage us all to find some little things we can do for pain management. Little things that are enjoyable, hopeful and full of loving self-care. Take the time; it’s worth it.

One day at a time,


P.S.: Smell the roses while you’re at it.

I Miss My Horse Gallery & Podcast

Me & John with Remi a Few Years Ago

Remington, Remi for Short

So, I was calm, cool and collected for my disability hearing a couple weeks ago (Okay, maybe not.) and one of the judge’s first questions was about my horse. I lost it. I started tearing up immediately. It was so hard to talk about.

I miss him so much.

He was abandoned at the ranch where I had horses before, and the owner let us take him over. My husband is so great. He works there for the board and feed on the weekends, so he gets to see Remi and ride him. And he keeps up on the stable drama for me (Not that drama is stable….).

I miss the smell of the ranch and Remi’s neck. I miss the dirty boots and long, sweaty rides in the foothills with some good friends. Heck, I don’t even mind the flies much this time of year.

I think I’ll have my husband take me to see him soon. I can’t wait.

One day at a time,


P.S.: I’ll take some pictures!

P.S.S.: Listen to how I’m doing without my horse in my life daily:

Episode 7: I Miss My Horse


Not being able to ride or see my horse in way too long has really affected me emotionally. Riding was my favorite outlet for stress and without it, I’m struggling. My horse’s name is Remington and he is amazing. He is the best of all my past horses rolled into one. I hope to be able to see him again soon.

I Got a Violin

It was an Unction

I played Violin in elementary school but don’t remember much more than my teacher repeatedly telling me to adjust my grip on the bow. Over the years I’d think I wanted to try to play again but I would dismiss the thought as a fanciful dream. Recently, the urge has grown.

I figured that if I could get an inexpensive one to see if I really want to play or not, I could invest in the dream in the future or let it go.

So, with some relearning and preparation, I am ready to begin. The Type A part of my personality has already risen to say I need to start with scales, and I will, but God in me tells me to just play. Play like I sing in the Spirit not knowing what words or melody will come next. Just play.

Of course, CRaPS and POTS have also risen-up to get in the way. The pain and swelling have been terrible lately. I started Physical Therapy for the bulging disc in my back and OMGoodness!

The pain….

I am tenacious enough to do it anyway. I will sit and learn. I will sit and play. And I will tell the pain to be cursed and take a hike.

Is there a dream you have put aside? I pray that you get to go for it!

One day at a time,


P.S.: Shoot me an email at CRPSInsideOut@gmail.com, I’d love to hear from you.

My Podcasts are Here


Available on CastBox & this Blog. Soon, you’ll find me on iTunes, Stichter, Google Play, etc.

I’m so excited to say that you can now listen to my CRPS Inside Out Podcasts here. I’ll be uploading them either on their own or with corresponding Blog Posts.

Here are links to the Episodes I have so far:

E1 Errands & Expectations

Sometimes the things we take for granted are things we miss the most where CRPS is involved. In this episode, I talk about an embarrassing fall and how much I loved running errands. There’s always hope when dealing with challenging situations—it’s just a matter of finding it.


E2 Bad News & Creativity

Everyone gets bad news, but the good news is that everyone is creative. We are all capable of using creativity to pull ourselves out of bad moods from bad news. CRPS can either destroy us or make us the strongest people in the world. I choose strength.


E3 Raw Emotions & Handling it All

A lot is happening all at once and my emotions are pretty raw. The beauty is that my emotions don’t define who I am. They are merely a tool to use in life. They are a measurement. They are a bridge to action and reaction that is healthy and godly. And they are going to help me deal with my life tomorrow.


E4 A New Beginning

Dreaming again is what I’m looking forward to the most in this new season of my life. I want to get back to a place where living one day at a time still has hope for the future. I use creativity and my sanctified imagination to co-create with Jesus and you can too.


E5 Creativity & Pain

The Creative Spirit flows like an impregnated wind of love and passion. We have access to this Spirit from God. No matter what creative outlet, no matter what perspective you are coming from, you have access to the Creative Spirit. That is if you are human.


E6 Housebound

I never knew there was such a thing as being housebound until I got iller in the past several years. I’ve learned a lot about myself, my family and my friends. I’ve learned that I need community. I need to engage with others on very personal levels which keeps me safe and sane.



You are free to use  Rocks N Mud  music track (even for commercial purposes), but you must include the following in your video description (copy & paste):

Rocks N Mud by Leonell Cassio ft. Krista Marina | https://soundcloud.com/leonellcassio
Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com
Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported


Creativity & Pain

Creativity as a Distraction from Pain

And You Don’t Even Have to Be an Artist

The Creative Spirit flows like an impregnated wind of love and passion. We have access to this Spirit from God. No matter what creative outlet, no matter what perspective you are coming from, you have access to the Creative Spirit. That is if you are human.

One way to tap into this creativity is to scribble. Yep, I know it sounds strange, but scribbling unlocks the left brain so the right brain (the creative side) can work. When you scribble you will begin to get ideas and answers to questions. You will want to begin to brainstorm those ideas, so go for it. You may be pleasantly surprised at what you get.

I tap into the Creative Spirit every day as much as I can. When I am writing, sculpting, drawing or just playing the pain decreases. I literally use creativity as a source of pain management.


P.S.: Give creativity a try. You may like it.

“We are made to be creative. We are made in the image of God.” — Jana Rawling